The moment Vaidehi woke up, the chores to be done today flashed in front of her eyes. The kitchen needed to be cleaned, the plants could do with some clipping; the house was full of dust and it would take her a full day to bring it back in order.
She got up from the bed and looked at the frail body of her husband Sujit. Snoring softly, his baniyan crumpled, the pajamas shifted upwards, he looked a small baby. She thought of straightening his clothes but decided otherwise, so as not to disturb his sleep. His face, handsome once, now looked wrinkled, his cheekbones rising like mountain peaks and the hair thinning.
She had the urge of kissing him but refrained from doing it. When was the last time they had sex, she tried to remember. Was it two months or more? But she brushed the thought aside sooner than it occurred. They were friends before tying the knot and remained the same, even after being married. Why, when newly married, she would call him by his first name, even if at the displeasure of her in-laws. He confided in her about the affair he had with Suchitra, his college mate and how she was forced to marry another boy against her wish. Vaidehi would often tease him over his broken heart and tell him that her heart was still intact, until she met him.
She knew he was awake till almost 3 in the morning. Sitting alone in the dark, clutching at the pain, suffering silently. She had told him to wake her up when the pain was unbearable but all he did was nod.
These days he would hardly say anything, just gaze at her blankly, as if to say, please leave me alone. But she persisted, encouraging him with some cheerful dialogue, just to see him smile. And smile he did but it was more out of courtesy, she knew that but it hardly mattered to her. He was once a great speaker, working for a PR company. His colleagues would look up to him for guidance. When they heard of his illness, all were shocked, thinking how he could be suffering from cancer in the first place. He was a moderate drinker and smoker; even the family doctor knew that. A healthy man, Sujit never suffered from any serious illness before. In fact it was Vaidehi, who had to visit the doctor more, due to one illness or the other.
Last two months catapulted both of them in to doing things, they had not imagined. Going to various doctors for advice, considering chemotherapy, trying Aurvedic medicines, the lot. Only to realize finally that this monster inside him was here to stay and the best they could do was learn to live with it, till it strikes its final blow. Both of them knew it was easier said than done but they hardly had any choice. The doctors had given him another month and he had taken it with a bold face, which surprised him.
She went to the kitchen and quickly made some tea. When she opened the door to collect the Newspaper, she saw the neighbours door ajar and the familiar face of Anjali peeping from behind. She smiled at the small girl and beckoned her to come. But the girl ran inside the house with fear written on her face. Vaidehi sighed and quietly retraced her steps. Until two months ago the same girl would rush inside their house without even a thought and head straight for the kitchen, where Vaidehi would be cooking and clutch her sari. The neighbours had taken Sujit’s illness rather seriously, she thought to herself.
As she sat on the armchair with a cup of tea, Sujit entered the room. She was about to get up when he gestured her to sit. He looked quite fresh today.
“So, how is my dear husband today?” she asked, smilingly.
“I am fine.” Is all he said and slumped in the sofa.
“You brushed? So I can get you some tea?”
‘No, I will fetch it myself baba, you sit…” is all he could manage to say.
“I need to say something” he said fiddling with his baniyan.
‘Arre wah! So my dear dear Sujit is finally breaking his silence, hunh?” she said light heartedly.
Apparently he was not amused by her comment.
“Okay okay, say what you want to, I am all ears…” she retreated rather fast.
He got up and pulled the chair next to her. Her heart jumped a beat. He still looks handsome, she thought. Keeping the newspaper aside she sat in anticipation.
He cleared his throat and said, “I wish to meet Suchitra”.
Vaidehi remained silent for a moment. She was stunned with what he said but kept her mind steady. She knew Suchitra was his first love but did not expect him to wish upon seeing her, certainly not now.
What pained her was the fact that this man lived almost half his life with her, shared his happiness and pain, just like a friend does but he still had that one corner of his heart, reserved for his first love. Was she feeling jealous? Far from it but hurt she was.
Sujit looked eagerly in to her eyes but they hardly moved. This was the man, she thought, her husband, asking her for something she could neither accept nor refuse. Why do we heed to a request or a wish made by someone, anyone who has few days of his life left? Why? Why don’t we just say no? Is it sympathy, understanding or just the thought that nothing else matters now?
She was caught in a thought web. But not for long.
“Fine with me dear, if you wish so…” gaining control, she said.
“I knew you would do it for me” holding her hand tightly, Sujit said.
She could clearly see how happy he was.
“Wait here; I will give you her address”. He said while getting up to go inside.
“Okay…” Is all she said.
Hmm…So he knew where Suchitra lived. But he never mentioned it to me, she thought or did he? Suddenly, her mind began to reel. She held her head tightly for a moment and went to the kitchen to help herself with some water. She needed to keep her balance now.
They hardly exchanged a word while having dinner. He was a little aloof she thought, hardly exchanging a glance. She had decided to go meet Suchitra the next day. That night both lay awake in bed. Then he broke the silence.
“I can imagine how tough it is for you to do this for me…” Looking at her from the corner of his eyes, he said.
A teardrop escaped from her eyes and she almost choked.
“But I know you understand” He was almost apologetic and this she didn’t want to happen. She embraced him and held him close to her pounding heart. No, I must not let him die an unhappy man, she said to herself. His eyes were moist and he clung to her. She moved her hand in his hair and said,
“Yes, I can understand how you feel, now sleep peacefully. And yes, please do shave tomorrow; she wouldn’t want to see you unwell, would she?”
The night crawled by and both held on to each other in silence.
On this feeble thread
Of togetherness
Why do we hope?
This goes on
Forever and ever
Why do we treat this?
Like it’s now or never
Why are we so fragile?
That a tiny poke
Seems like a shove
Why are we so attached?
That we forget
We can’t be together
We don’t know
Where this will
Take us
We can’t see
How it will
Shape us
And still we hope
For it to
Guide us
This will end
Is anybody’s guess
If we decide
We can end the stress
Know it’s tough
To forget
And to remember
Or to regret
Our hearts will throb
With new fervor
And renewed vigor
With newer bonds
That may last
Even longer
You begin a new life
And I will turn
A new leaf
You take a turn
And I will make
A new beginning
It won’t be long
When we will
Overcome the pain
Let’s try doing it
Let’s be strangers again…
The earth and the sky
No one knows
Why they never meet
But still remain close
No one knowsWhy day after night
Waves touch the shore
Kissing our toes
With embracing arms
Showering sprays of love
To soothe our woes?
And nurse the wounds?
Why wind takes turns
Swirling and twirling
Like a girl with new shoes
Tossing and twisting
Galloping like a horse
Waving all a goodbye
Blowing away our blues?
No one knows…
Why clouds gather
Only to disperse later
Exchanging views
Making the moves
Or just a useless banter
Planning to burst?
To quench our thirst?
No one knows…
That transpires between
The earth and the sky
Being together, still
Away from each other
Braving the pangs
Of separation and hurt
To give us our share
Of joy and pleasure
Now I know
Why they never meet
As I walk the street
Shadows loom around me
Keeping me company
In my unending journey?My own shadow playing
Prancing, frolicking
Keeping close to them
Mingling, socializing?
What goes in her mind?
I try to fathom now
Should I leave him
And go with the others?
Is that what she’s thinking?
Or merely trying to see
What my reaction is
If she leaves me and departs?
She also needs her freedom
I understand fully well
And ignore her cavorting
Whenever she goes
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The world has changed, or has it? Day after day we hear about women being tortured, ill-treated and beaten black and blue. And if you think this happens only in some part of the world, you are in for a surprise! Countries like USA, which boasts and brags about equality, womens liberation etc has a high rate of brutality with women. As for the Indian continent, more said the less! In India, foeticide is rampant, not only in villages but in cities as well. Originaly, the government allowed sonogrphy so parents can know if the baby is healthy and many responsible parents used this technique to ensure the wellness of the baby. But over the years sonography has come to be known as an equipment that is used(abused actually) to determine the sex of the child! The mentality of men and women alike is to abort the female child and keepthe child if it is a son…! Such a shame on them. Shouldn’t such killers be punished? I think yes, they should be severely punished for this dastardly offense.
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We are in an era of “wish it, have it, enjoy or get rid of it”. With newer and better innovations making our lives easier, we can manage any task with ease and comfort. But i wonder if we are too dependent on technology, aren’t we? So dependent on gadgets, equipments, why now that we can type, we are not able to write much with a pen, have you noticed? And come to think of it. Most of the inventions are just about 200 odd years old. And our civilizationdatesback to millions of years! I think innovations are depriving us of our freedom in every which way.
